The Girl With The Eyebrows Has Relocations

Phuket, Thailand.

“Why do not you come by tomorrow and I’ll prepare you lunch,” she asked, while clearing the empty plates and wiping down my table.

“I thought tomorrow’s your day off?”

“I mean to my location, not the dining establishment. It’s simply a room, however I have a small electrical stove that I use on the veranda. I can prepare pad krapow moo for you.”

“Maybe,” I said. “However let’s go get some beverages tonight.”

Residing in Thailand was altering me into a category of guy that I never ever thought I ‘d be. Though it’s also a category of man that’s so extremely foreign and unreasonable that it’s become downright fascinating for me to observe. I gleefully enjoy myself as if I were viewing some meaningless simulation in a computer game. What’s he going to do now?! What zany adventure will befall him next?!

The classification of guy that I speak of is the kind that selects up his waitress at a little, open-air dining establishment next to his health club in an alley in Patong, Phuket, and after that sleeps with her.

Though I didn’t suggest to select her up or sleep with her. We were just making breezy discussion about my favorite women thai beauty meals and the ones that she excelled at cooking. It was a late afternoon on a Tuesday during low season, therefore the dining establishment was empty and Phuket was uncharacteristically peaceful. The locals were easy, practically tired, almost miserable, and in need of social interaction. All of it occurred so naturally.

She was my waitress– the only waitress, really, because 10-seater joint– in her early twenties with chunky hair, soft functions and fair skin that exposed her Chinese origins. She dressed fashionably in denim black joggers and matching black V-neck, an only bra strap teasingly exposed, with trendy, tortoise-shell glasses balanced precariously on the suggestion of her nose. She was assembled well with the exception of her unnaturally thick eyebrows, too arched and balanced, that were apparently drawn on with a broad, felt-tip marker, the kind with the dizzying fumes. They were too outlandish to be an error, and she was too flawless otherwise, women thai beauty so I presume they were a brand-new trend that I was unaware of.

“You’re not from here,” I stated. She didn’t fit the profile of the other locals.

“Chiang Mai,” stated Eyebrows. “I’m new, though. Eight months.”

“So how come there’s no excellent pad krapow moo in Phuket?” I asked her. Pad krapow moo– holy basil pork– was my meal of choice that I would take in every day in Thailand. In some cases two times. Always with a fried egg.

“All the great chefs transferred to Bangkok to open restaurants and Phuket’s stuck with the leftovers. The cook here is fine, however I’m much better. He won’t let me touch anything, though. Perhaps in a few months.”

“You like to cook?”

“Hey, I’m from fucking Chiang Mai– I can prepare anything!”

Eyebrows had an edge to her that was too audacious for a Thai girl, who are typically meek and reserved while the sun’s still up. I chalked it up to her living in Patong Beach, where she must be struck on numerous times a day by inebriated, obnoxious immigrants on getaway. (Thankfully, I wasn’t any of these things at this rare minute.) The joint was empty so she talked and sat while I ate, about her family in Chiang Mai, her uncle’s dining establishment that we were sitting at, and how she believes she was embraced since she’s a “beach, not mountain, woman.” I finished my pad krapow moo and she cleared the dishes.

“Why don’t you come over tomorrow and I’ll cook you lunch?”

Strange– I never ever got this kind of invite before, specifically from someone in the service industry. This must be the offer in Phuket: it’s ordinary for the waitresses to date the clients. This shit would not fly in Bangkok, or anywhere else in the world.

“Maybe,” I said. “But let’s go get some drinks tonight.”

Eyebrows got off work at 9pm. I left my motorbike at my hotel and women thai beauty strolled back to her uncle’s dining establishment, in the alleyway next to my health club. She appeared much shorter than before, however the eyebrows were the very same. We walked a couple of blocks north to Bangla Road, rather potentially the most appalling street in all of Southern Thailand (intoxicated travelers, unpleasant touts, flashing brilliant lights and thumping techno), but we were in the state of mind for live music, and Bangla Roadway was the place to get it.

We hopped from bar to bar on the primary pedestrian drag, having a hard time to find a place that matched our state of mind. Some locations were too sports-barry, while others were too Russian hookery. Bangla Road has actually progressed significantly over the past years considering that I initially came here, the most staggering change being the white backpacker ladies who are now handing out flyers for the Pussy Shows, seemingly attempting to fund their extended trip, while their local teenage bosses lorded over them with 50 baht notes. How the tables have turned.

I stayed with shitty mojitos (since there are no good mojitos on Bangla) and Eyebrows downed shot after shot of tequila.

“I do not actually like to consume,” she stated. “My trick is, I just have four or five of these, and after that I benefit the night.”

“If anybody has four or five of those, they’re excellent for the night. That’s a dumb trick,” I stated.

“You’re dumb,” she said.

So Eyebrows consumed her tequila and I drank my mojitos and we wound up unavoidably drunk and undoubtedly constructing in the corner of that enormous beer hall at the entryway of Bangla, the one with the full stage and live music. There was a Filipino cover band with each band member dressed from a different genre: a Bob-Marley lookalike on skins, a spectacular goth chick on bass, and a flamboyant, androgynous diva in a red velvet jumpsuit with a cigarette mustache and slicked back hair. He was all over the location, mixing pop music from Michael Bublé to Beyoncé to YMCA.

Eyebrows took her sixth shot of Cuervo and I switched to San Miguel Light to hydrate.

“What should we do now?” I slurred.

“We can walk around the corner to the other bar, or go eat moo ping,” she offered.

“You know what I wish to do?”

“What?”

“I wish to find a location to lay down with you.”

I chose my words carefully so as to not come off weird, but then came off even creepier than if I had simply stated, Let’s go somewhere and fuck. “I desire to find a place to lay down with you” has a weird, morbid undertone to it, does not it? Like, “I wish to put down with your still-warm corpse …”

“Okay.”

We talked about the logistics: we couldn’t go to my hotel due to the fact that all visitors were forbidden. We remained in Patong, Phuket, after all, and hotels didn’t desire the threat of unregistered hookers running around, taking toilet paper and stabbing their consumers. And Eyebrows resided in a female-only dorm room where visitors weren’t permitted after sundown.

“There must be a love hotel,” she said. We wandered the blocks surrounding Bangla Roadway, littered with motels and hotels and hostels, trying to find any indication that they charged per hour rates like in Tokyo. No such luck. We asked the front desk of one of the mid-range hotels, and they offered us a suspicious and disgusted (dispicious?) appearance and stated, Mai mee– sold out! then shooed us out. We hesitated to try that again.

“How could you not know of any?” I asked her. “It’s fine that you’ve done this previously. I’m fine with it.”

“What sort of girl do you believe I am?” she said. Well …

“Let’s just go to my hotel,” I said, beat. “I’ll just pay for another guest.”

We went to my hotel and, fortunately, the front desk was unmanned. I quickly ushered Eyebrows to the elevator and we snuck approximately my room on the 17th flooring, kissing in the elevator and corridors along the way. We quickly got and undressed into bed where we had regular sex up until completion, when Eyebrows had to carry out an amazing finishing relocation in order to activate her own orgasm. We rested and she executed her maneuver once again, with surgical accuracy and consistency, and we came concurrently and strongly, like some fabricated scene in a shitty Hollywood film.

We got up in the middle of the night, twisted, not understanding where one body ended and the other began. Eyebrows put her clothes on and I bid farewell to her at my door rather of the lobby.

The next day, I moved to a hotel in downtown Phuket, away from the tourist neighborhoods and closer to my coworking workplace. Eyebrows didn’t seem surprised. “Okay, well it was good to meet you,” she messaged.